Sometimes You Just Have to Jump
by 700495
Summary: After the death of her baby Esme Evenson is in terrible pain and decides to take matters into her own hands. These are Esme’s final moments as she thinks about her life.


**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight or the character of Esme.**

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Sometimes You Just Have to Jump

_It's almost over,_ the thought rang over and over again in my head as I felt the cold wind blow through my hair.

All the pain I've endured, all the hurt, It was almost over. One quick jump and it would all go away. I wouldn't have to see his little face in my mind every single time I closed my lids, to see my baby with his plump cheeks and big hazel eyes. Its just to much!

You never truly know the pain of losing a child until you experience it first hand. The cold numb chill that poisons your very soul, the hurt that gnaws at you until you can't stand it anymore. So here I was ready to take my own life.

I almost had to laugh at this situation Esme Platt committing suicide who would have thought? On the outside I'd always been a happy cheerful girl, a good house wife with an amazing family, the perfect husband with a solid job, a decent amount of money, and a little baby on the way.

But in reality I suffered an unbelievable amount, I had a family who pressured me to marry a man I had no love for and when he abused me told me to keep face, A husband who didn't love me and battered me horribly, and a dead little baby.

I couldn't help but wonder when did everything go wrong? I had thought about this many times, sometimes I thought it was when I married Charles but no -although at that point he had seemed like such a kind man- no it had happened long before that, when my sadness had first started.

I had fallen out of a tree cracking my leg in three places and the town doctor had come to look at me. He was source of rumours in our little town, a strange beautiful man moves _here,_ an amazing doctor that could probably work anywhere in the world and yet he choose here our little rainy town! It was bound to cause rumours.

What was particularly amazing was that that day had changed me and my life forever and yet it hadn't been a particularly frightening event, or a tremendously happy one. But when he had came and I looked into his deep butterscotch eyes -the eyes that had haunted my dreams ever since I first saw them- I had felt this light deep inside me well up and I knew I that exact moment that I would never look at another man again because even now he still held me.

And I knew that he to had felt that strange spark , I knew because the next day he had disappeared without a trace. He had told the hospital he was leaving and then he was gone never to be seen again. Everybody in town talked, many theories aroused about where and why he had gone and only I knew the truth, or at least what I so desperately wanted to believed to be the truth. It's hard enough being this obsessed with a man you haven't seen in nearly a decade but if I were to admit I had no affect on the man it would be ten times worse. I have prefered to live in ignorance.

But there are something's no amount of ignorance can ignore. This was one of them.

Here I was facing my watery demise and still I thought about Carlisle Cullen, no big surprise there. I always thought about him, more so in the early days of my marriage I had cast him as my hero I often wished he would come save me when my husband beat me, but he never came. He was probably in his late forties now anyway my fantasies were useless

So I decided to think of my students, oh they would be devastated I had grown to care for them so. After Charles had been drafted in World War I I had found out I was expecting. Not wanting my child to grow up with the same abuse my husband had inflicted on me for the last three years, I had fled to the North and became a teacher I had always wanted to be one, I was great with children.

But now that part of my life was over, my life was over.

I was done reminiscing that was the life of Esme Platt-Evenson it wasn't the most exiting life or the happiest life, but it was my life. My life that I was about to end.

I looked out at the sea fierce waves crashing on the shore, the large sharp pointed rocks that lay scattered on the sea floor, seemingly deadly to someone else, right know they were my greatest friends and closest allies.

The wind blew ruffling my white nightdress. It was the one I had worn as I held my dieing child now I wore it as my farewell gesture to the world.

I hung my hands at my sides palms facing the sea, the arms that I had held my dead baby boy now lay empty. I showed them to the world as if to say _you win, you have taken everything, I give up_.

I looked out at the sunset the orange glow that would soon fade on the horizon and I knew it was time. I wore a peaceful smile knowing I would be with my son soon enough or at least released from my grief in death.

I rocked on my heels and took a deep breath hoping the pain would be swift, I bent my knee's –

And jumped

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